Post your travel joke!

[paul]

After Trev's Llanfair PG joke, I thought it would be a good idea for everyone to share any travel jokes they have here...

Here's my offering:

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.

After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.

The manager listens to the man and then explains the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager.

No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"

The manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager. The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the manager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
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[altyfc]

The chief of United States naval operations has released the following transcript of a radio conversation between a US Navy ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.

US ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Canadian reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

US ship: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert your course!

US ship: This is the aircraft carrier USS Missouri; we are a large warship of the US Navy. Divert your course now!!

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

[paul]

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, a man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard.

"Sand," said the cyclist.

"Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard.

The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.

Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smuggling?" "Bicycles!"
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UK Hotels - UK Selfcatering - UK B&Bs - UK Attractions
Luxury Travel - Lake District Apartment

[tooguwat]

Not really a travel joke....or even a joke bu here goes:

Three men walk into a hotel.
"We would like a room for 3 please"
"Okay that will be $30," replies the Hotel manager.
Each man gives the manager as $10 note and proceeds to the room.
Later the manager realises he made a mistake with the prices, the room was only $25.
The manager gives the porter a $5 note and asks him to give it to the three men.
In the lift to the room the porter thinks;
"I cannot split $5 by 3. I know I'll keep $2."
The porter goes on and gives each man $1 each.
Each man has now paid $9 = $27
The porter has $2. Where is the other $1?
Hmmmmmmmmm.

[shiroanubis]

A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"
"1215," answers the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, "Damn! Just missed it by a half hour!"
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